In front of people who don’t drink, I never think about drinking.
Jack London
Quitting drinking is difficult, but possible. Only a loved one can truly help in such a situation. Those who try to help an alcoholic stop drinking, save him to solve some of their problems (e. g. , housing), will achieve nothing. Love alone is not enough to help get rid of the most difficult addictions, you still need to know what to do. Due to the coincidence of the most powerful and noble human feelings in certain situations make relatives, save alcohol, create the stereotype of a wrong relationship with him. As a result, they only contribute to the development of alcoholism, and they themselves become interdependent.
The traditional role played by relatives of alcoholics, often wives, is the role of "nanny". In the classic version, the "caregiver" does everything possible and impossible to keep the family afloat, and those around them are unaware of the presence of an alcohol problem. She takes care of the family, maintains order in the home, raises the children, and this upbringing also has its own characteristics: children from an early age are taught not to pick up "dirty linen in public. " The relationship with the "half" drinking "nanny" dependsin a situation where this "half". During the party the "nanny" takes care of the alcohol: finds it in the places where he drinks, and takes it home; calling to work and saying that he was ill; trying to neutralize aggression, which often suffers beatings and insults; feed and wash it.
In a quiet period, the "nanny" can continue to protect and please the person who drinks alcohol, hoping in this way that he does not drink, or, conversely, seems to act, burdening him with various acts and duties. In both cases, after some time, another party develops and it all starts over and over again. Such a cyclical relationship algorithm can exist for an arbitrary period of time. Not only the "nanny" by his actions only exacerbates the development of alcoholism, - in the end, he himself can no longer live differently. That is why so often drunken wives, when they remarry, again choose a drunkard or drug addict as their companion.
The general rule for all relatives, regardless of who is ill with them - husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter - is not to do anything that contributes to the development of addiction. This means the following:
People who drink must solve their own problems.
Since he created it for himself, let him decide. Otherwise, he will have no obstacles before the next booze, because he will expect your help. Sometimes it makes sense: the husband has spent to spend the whole "family pot", there is nothing in the house, and the wife walks around her acquaintances, borrowing money to pay off her husband's debts, which she made during the party.
Trying to save, you don’t have to call the person who is alcoholic at work and say that he is serious and suddenly ill. First, it’s not good to cheat - don’t set a bad example to kids; second, after two or three such calls, no one will believe you and they will at least laugh at you silently; and third - today you will save him from a moderate thrashing, which, presumably, will stop him, and tomorrow he will drink harder and, in the end, will lose his job.
Totally unacceptable, from our point of view, is a situation when compassionate relatives buy their own alcohol to make people intoxicated with alcohol. With the same success, you can offer a preferred drug or other poison.
treatment is not always pleasant and not painful.
If, for example, a person has an abscess somewhere on his body, then you can hide it under clothing, pour deodorant until there is no smell, create a greenhouse condition for a person so that he moves less and does not experience pain. As a result, all this will lead to the development of sepsis and death. If, despite the pain, the abscess is opened, antibiotics "puncture", even if this is also quite painful, then there is a high probability that the person will recover.
You have to keep your promises, and if you can’t keep your promises, then it’s better not to keep them.
Alcoholics, quitting and drug addicts are very sensitive to the possibility of achieving something, and where there will be categorical rejection. In this case, they are like children, and one should often communicate with them like a child: if necessary - praise, and if necessary - punish. But none, even the most insignificant episode related to alcohol use should be left without your attention, and, of course, it is necessary that the level of "punishment" corresponds to the level of "violation". And don’t be confused with the compact age and appearance of "guilty" representatives. Carrot policies and voice sticks often work well across a variety of ages and social backgrounds.
So, for example, if a wife promises her husband that in the event of another dispute, she will divorce him, and he comes literally "on her eyebrows" that night, then at least the next day she should write a divorce statement and ask her husbandto sign that he agrees. Applications submitted to the registry office can always be taken, but practice shows: such firm action makes the husband think of his problem faster than many criticisms and unfulfilled promises.
Your attitude towards alcohol must be consistently negative.
Any alcohol intake, even the most minimal smell of smoke, cannot continue without your negative evaluation. This doesn’t mean that you should create a scandal by smashing dishes all the time. In this case, this cannot be done - such a "show" will only lead to the fact that an alcoholic with a clear conscience will "relieve stress" and will gladly tell a sympathetic drinking buddy what his wife is and that he is drinking properlyexclusively because of him. Such situations should be discussed calmly, naturally - consciously, their reasons should be analyzed and real conclusions should be drawn. It should look like this:
- Dear! Yesterday at the party you drank again, despite promising not to do so. That’s very unpleasant for me, because in the evening you look indecent, and back from you just scary, you behave so aggressively.
- You see, yesterday I was in a very bad mood because of problems at work, and I decided to drink a little, so as not to spoil the mood of others with my appearance. And next to me was the waitress’s husband, who was always pouring for me, so I didn’t have time to eat. Vodka may be of poor quality - I still have a headache. This is probably why I went to sea.
- It seems to me that if a man gives his word, then he should keep it! And it turns out it’s easier for you to break a promise given than to say "no" when they pour vodka on you!
- Understand. . .
- No, I don't understand! Let's not play around! Over the past year, more and more often we have to discuss this - I think it’s time to consult an expert.
- You have to - you and be treated.
- First, we both need it, and secondly, no one will treat you, we will just talk to a psychotherapist about how to behave in some situations related to drinking.
Sometimes such a conversation is enough for someone with an alcohol problem to agree to come to us, but more often he refuses in every way possible, referring to the lack of free time, the uselessness of this visit and many other "legitimate" reasons. You must be assertive and with each new episode of alcohol, more and more assertively force yourself. Moreover, if the conversation is not effective, do not hesitate to use other methods of pressure, which should encourage you to understand and comprehend the character of your loved one. By the way, do not forget to remind that periodically in developed countries there are people who lack self-esteem have their own psychologist, with whom he meets regularly. And do not embarrass him, as, for example, by riding "Zaporozhets".
All conversations with alcoholics should end with a certain logic.
Any of your conversations, any disputes about existing alcohol problems should end with some sort of constructive decision. You can’t stop halfway and let your alcoholic patient’s "I" once again fool everyone and force them to postpone actual anti -alcohol action for an indefinite period of time. Because usually such conversations end with the promise of alcohol to stop drinking, and everyone is officially calm. It is clear that after a while everything repeats itself, and so on - unlimited advertising. So if your drinking brother tells you that he understands everything, realizes, is very sorry and won’t be like this again, take word from him that if he still drinks at least once (no matter how much), you willgo along to a psychologist.
While rescuing yourself from intoxication, do not drink if there is alcohol.
The smartest thing a patient’s relatives can do is not to drink or keep alcoholic beverages at home. Alcohol in such a home can be only in one form - as part of an external disinfectant (iodine, brilliant green, and the like). And although many of our patients, who have not drank for years, feel calm in the company of drinking and do not care about alcohol, it is better to use it safely. The fewer provoking factors, the calmer. This first, and second, remember the following:
This situation is not so promising when an alcoholic, who categorically does not consider himself or herself as such, educates and strives to help other alcoholics be more "successful" in creating (along with Green Snake) daily and social problems. It’s clear that the appeal for a quiet life isn’t convincing if they inhale smoke at you, and the difference between a sick person and a similar "healthy" person is that the last person hasn’t lost his job and his wife hasn’t left.
Don’t hide the fact that your loved one has a problem with alcohol.
This is not about the urgent need to tell everyone about your husband’s drunken habits. No, but you don’t deceive anyone, mislead, pretend that you don’t know anything. If you don’t deceive the kids, let alone force them to lie. As a rule, they know and understand everything perfectly.
If you believe that involving people who have influence over alcoholics in solving the problem: parents, adult children, friends, bosses, co -workers, will help promote the cause - do not hesitate to tell them everything and ask for help.
Conversations with alcohol must be important.
It is not enough to say that he drank a lot and often. To him, this is an empty expression. You need to make preparations in advance for a conversation with a drunkard, especially if you are going to involve others in this. To do this, it will be useful to record the frequency of episodes of alcoholism, the degree of intoxication and behavior in this situation. In short, you need to keep a diary and preferably with illustrations. That is, if a drunken flight is filmed in a video, this must be done, and you will discuss the moral and ethical aspects of such an action when you rescue your loved one about the consequences of a serious and incurable illness.
Alcoholics should be given objective information about their illness.
The person who drinks unconsciously will see the information unilaterally: he only hears and sees what he wants, and what he does not want - he ignores it, does not pay attention to it. Naturally, only information is left into the consciousness that does not endanger friendship with the Green Snake. The role of the filter is played by the highly alcoholic "I", the inner voice that is heard in every alcoholic and in every possible way allows, disguises, adjusts everything related to drinking to the norm.
Therefore, in order for all negative information about the disease and its consequences to reach the recipient, it is necessary to find a way out of the problem creatively. You won’t get anywhere if you stick all the walls with newspaper clippings and anti-alcohol posters. But if you, seemingly coincidentally, tell you that one of your mutual acquaintances, who, incidentally, is a few years younger than you, is already in the next world, and the next party will be blamed for this, an alcoholic might be wise.
One of our patients "woke up" (in his words) after he barely recognized his schoolmate in one of the homeless wandering in the trash.
Make sure alcohol reads our book, this book is specially written to be interesting for everyone to read.
Please "I" the drunkard.
Don’t wait for the alcoholic to start changing his life stereotypes, but actively (but not interruptly) help him in this. Take him to the cinema, theater, sports venue, take him to the countryside, introduce him to interesting people. His own drinker (if, of course, he is still socially adaptable) is often very difficult to do this, as he is in a constant time problem - the largest part of his time is taken up by the Green Snake. And he had already lost the habit of such incidents, he did not know from which side to approach him.